i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Boobs are out for the taking
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
