you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I wish there were birth control emojis
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
