i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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