fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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