so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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