i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
