I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
