wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
