remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize