What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
