I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
