i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
