there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
