we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize