someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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