I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize