Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize