sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
3 2 1 whiskey
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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