There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
