I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize