my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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