I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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