I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
