I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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