he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
