capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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