Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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