yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
