It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
