this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
