Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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