Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
