he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
