suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
