hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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