he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
