we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
