my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
