I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
third nipple confirmed
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
