It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
