So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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