I'm going to jail i love you
are you so shy because you have an std?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
