went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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