I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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