I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
operation harelip BJ is a go
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
