How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
