TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
