We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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