I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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