It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
