Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
