Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
