I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
