Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
