I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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