So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
