but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
