Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
