So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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