i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
