I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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