Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
