drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
