This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
