i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
