from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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