i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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