Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
