In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
