States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize