i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
