thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize