So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
