I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My vagina is officially offended.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
