On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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