I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
